"I'mma let you finish. But Beyonce had one of the best blog posts of all time." -Kanye West

I am using this post as a disclaimer for all future blog posts--if only Kanye's disclaimer had been a little better than "I'm really happy for you...BUT," the world might be a little different and Kanye wouldn't have to wear those sunglasses that look like prison bars--a prison named "Everyone Hates You."

I digress...

The following describes all of the odd linguistic tools I use in addition to subject material that will be completely moot if not explained:

-- : I enjoy the use of the over-extended hyphen (I'm sure it has a name. I haven't taken a grammatical class since 7th grade...talk about successfully avoiding that within my major). I think it makes everything infinitely better when I can extend a sentence beyond any reasonable length.

... : The same goes for ellipses. I could kiss the person who invented the ellipses. What a fantastic idea.

Lenny: Oh, Lenny. Where do I even begin. Lenny is the name of my beautiful 1998 maroon Buick LeSabre. He has velveteen seats, a broken tape player, and a new back window as a result of a baseball bat-smashing incident. If I was going to be stuck on a desert island, Lenny would be the one item I would bring with me. It truly is a love affair that will last a lifetime (or until I can afford a black, camel interior Toyota hybrid vehicle....sorry Lenny, but a girl has got to move up a la The Jeffersons.)

Violence: I have this tendency, when I think something is cute or endearing, to exude phrases such as "I'm going to punch you in the face" or "You're so cute I'm going to throw you down a flight of stairs." Completely inappropriate, painfully descriptive--that's my style.

Musical Theater: I'm sorry, but if you don't love a good showtune, you're barking up the wrong tree. Liza? perfect. Patti Lupone? Even better. The crazier they are, the more talented they are and the drunker they are, the more I like them.


So, my dear readers, whenever you are confused, please refer to this post and you will begin to understand the oddities of my mind.