I could have a reality tv show.
Let me backtrack to how this came to be...
My eyes popped open yesterday morning, glistening with a mixture sheer delight, fear, and uncontrollable itching (this is not at all related to my emotional state--I had slept with my contacts in for the fourth night in a row and actually thought my eyeballs were going to actually spontaneously combust from dryness-induced friction)--for it 'twas the morning of one of my very best friend's bachelorette party. This party, without question, had the potential to be a night of glory. For one, twenty-two women in matching lime green t-shirts were going to board a LIME. GREEN. SCHOOL. BUS. Lime green, people. If that isn't a key ingredient in a hypothetical "You're going to embark on an excellent adventure" party fondue recipe (everyone loves something melted. Let's be real.), then I don't know what is. Secondly, the bride is my life twin:
We look alike, we think alike, and have gained the ability to have conversations through a series of hand motions and eye movements. It's an interesting talent. We are also in the process of writing a book of our trials and tribulations ( coming soon to a bookstore near you!).
ANYWAY, as I observed my surroundings while at this party, as I had just finished karaoking the B-52's smash hit "Loveshack" with the bride's brother (who happens to be my best friend), I very seriously realized how obvious it is that I need a television show. Mind you, at this point I was laying on the bow of a boat that was in the middle of the bar mulling over how wonderful it would be to be a.) a mermaid or b.) the lady who is carved into the front of pirate ships...
This got me thinking.
I am constantly surrounded by a myriad of characters who make up the plot of that is my life. I honestly cannot say I associate with anyone who is normal or mellow. Rather, my life looks like an episode of some sort of Real World/Celebrity Rehab/Golden Girls compilation. What better career could I possibly make for myself than making use of my lovely associates and creating what would obviously be a smash television hit. I'd like to have moments as memorable as Teresa flipping the table on Real Housewives of New Jersey, emotions as raw as Kimora Lee Simmons anger over not having enough gold-plated bangle bracelets in "Life in the Fab Lane," and enough popularity to keep gaining new versions of my same television programs a la Kirstie Alley's ability to star in an identical show with (going on) 4 different titles.
I fancy this show to be something along the lines of the movie "The Truman Show," where I am just constantly filmed. And lucky for me, with the rising popularity of the movie musical, I can sing showtunes to my heart's content (Get excited for that, readers. All Showtunes. All the time.).
My ultimate goal, from this, is to replace Chelsea Handler on E! when she decides she has had enough. I can slip right into those Jimmy Choo's of hers and harass comedians and celebrities alike.
If all else fails, I could fit into the show "Mob Wives." I've got a whole head of dark hair, quick wit, and enough bronzer to rival any of those women.
p.s. I have a job interview Tuesday...
We look alike, we think alike, and have gained the ability to have conversations through a series of hand motions and eye movements. It's an interesting talent. We are also in the process of writing a book of our trials and tribulations ( coming soon to a bookstore near you!).ANYWAY, as I observed my surroundings while at this party, as I had just finished karaoking the B-52's smash hit "Loveshack" with the bride's brother (who happens to be my best friend), I very seriously realized how obvious it is that I need a television show. Mind you, at this point I was laying on the bow of a boat that was in the middle of the bar mulling over how wonderful it would be to be a.) a mermaid or b.) the lady who is carved into the front of pirate ships...
This got me thinking.
I am constantly surrounded by a myriad of characters who make up the plot of that is my life. I honestly cannot say I associate with anyone who is normal or mellow. Rather, my life looks like an episode of some sort of Real World/Celebrity Rehab/Golden Girls compilation. What better career could I possibly make for myself than making use of my lovely associates and creating what would obviously be a smash television hit. I'd like to have moments as memorable as Teresa flipping the table on Real Housewives of New Jersey, emotions as raw as Kimora Lee Simmons anger over not having enough gold-plated bangle bracelets in "Life in the Fab Lane," and enough popularity to keep gaining new versions of my same television programs a la Kirstie Alley's ability to star in an identical show with (going on) 4 different titles.
I fancy this show to be something along the lines of the movie "The Truman Show," where I am just constantly filmed. And lucky for me, with the rising popularity of the movie musical, I can sing showtunes to my heart's content (Get excited for that, readers. All Showtunes. All the time.).
My ultimate goal, from this, is to replace Chelsea Handler on E! when she decides she has had enough. I can slip right into those Jimmy Choo's of hers and harass comedians and celebrities alike.
If all else fails, I could fit into the show "Mob Wives." I've got a whole head of dark hair, quick wit, and enough bronzer to rival any of those women.
p.s. I have a job interview Tuesday...
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