My miniature roommate gave me the title of this post...because she actually said it to me.
If I had it my way, I would continue to live a poor life, due to my ultimate career goal of being a Broadway superstar. This is not as much of a career goal as it is a lofty dream inspired by my affinity for Broadway showtunes.
And by affinity, I mean obsession.
And by obsession, I mean I live, sleep, breathe, and eat showtunes.
While it's not what I would call a "well-balanced diet," I find showtunes to be inspirational, gaudy, and unrealistic--three qualities I hope I always possess.
I realize that saying I aim to be "unrealistic" can take on a negative connotation. However, my version of being unrealistic is quite different from the typical definition of it. For example:
Typical Unrealistic Statement: "I want to be an astronaut."
My Unrealistic Statement: "I want to own a miniature Shetland pony farm."
I find that my inability to think within the norm makes my life much more entertaining than it ever should be, which leads me to back to the point of this post: Showtunes.
So, rather than write all about how much I love musical theater, I'm just going to re-post the movie my dancer best friend made about me for a class and the unrealistic life I lead.
Much thanks to LW for filming my life as it circles the drain.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
'But I say no, no no-Amy Winehouse "Rehab"
Remember when Amy Winehouse told everyone "They try to make me go to rehab/ But I say no, no no"...and then she went to rehab? Me too.
Speaking of ridiculousness, I stumbled across the "25 Most Inspirational Songs of All Time" the other day when I was trying to find a catchy title for my last post. Naturally, the title of this site drives a pretty hard bargain with the claim that they have actually compiled a list of the 25 best inspirational songs ever. Not just this year, not songs from the 90's, but of all time.
There are a couple of songs that made the list with good reason. For example "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Legitimate. It's inspirational, from a cinema classic, and has been covered by the most beautiful 800 lb. Hawaiian man I have ever seen. Also, "What a Wonderful World." The definition of inspiration. You could not possibly hate that song if you tried.
However, there are a few that made the list that I have some thoughts on:
20. "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi--this song makes me want to key my own car. If by inspirational you mean inspiring me to commit a Class C Felony, then yes.
16. "Music of My Heart" by N*SYNC-- You. have. got. to. be. kidding. me. Don't get me wrong, I was a big fan back in the day (and for some reason, I adored Kevin...the creepiest one of them all), but this song DOES NOT MAKE THE TOP 25 OF ALL TIME. If your heart is making music, you have a serious medical condition. It's an organ...and I'm not talking the kind they play in church. BADUM-CHING.
(I know that was bad. But it had to be done).
12. "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper--When this was played at the end of Sex and the City 2, I shut the movie off. If this is actually being considered as inspirational and it inspires Sex and the City 3 to be made, methinks it needs to be buried underground forever. Samantha is far too old to keep up these escapades. She's going to hurt herself.
7. "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot--Does anyone even listen to Switchfoot? No. This song was in "A Walk to Remember" and it was bad then. It's still bad now. How is daring someone to move "inspirational? Isn't that the opposite? "Hey, I dare you to jump out of that boxcar and into a pile of rocks!" DANGER.
(I read a lot of The Boxcar Children as a child. Don't judge. And also, Don't Dare me to move.)
6. "Never Surrender" by Corey Hart-- No. Just no.
Whoever wrote this list is listening to the worst radio station ever. I don't know how one creates a Pandora station this terrible and, frankly, I don't want to know.
Obviously, "That's What Friends Are For" is my favorite addition. That song really takes it home. Is that a synthesizer? A trumpet? Do I care? No. It makes me want to do a ribbon dance around Dionne Warwick, Luther Vandross, and the Whitney Houston, while wearing Stevie Wonder's sunglasses (he would let me. Because that's what friends are for).
*Edit--> Kevin was actually not a member of N*SYNC, but rather the Backstreet Boys. Either way, both groups are still wretched...but I stand corrected :)
Speaking of ridiculousness, I stumbled across the "25 Most Inspirational Songs of All Time" the other day when I was trying to find a catchy title for my last post. Naturally, the title of this site drives a pretty hard bargain with the claim that they have actually compiled a list of the 25 best inspirational songs ever. Not just this year, not songs from the 90's, but of all time.
There are a couple of songs that made the list with good reason. For example "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." Legitimate. It's inspirational, from a cinema classic, and has been covered by the most beautiful 800 lb. Hawaiian man I have ever seen. Also, "What a Wonderful World." The definition of inspiration. You could not possibly hate that song if you tried.
However, there are a few that made the list that I have some thoughts on:
20. "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi--this song makes me want to key my own car. If by inspirational you mean inspiring me to commit a Class C Felony, then yes.
16. "Music of My Heart" by N*SYNC-- You. have. got. to. be. kidding. me. Don't get me wrong, I was a big fan back in the day (and for some reason, I adored Kevin...the creepiest one of them all), but this song DOES NOT MAKE THE TOP 25 OF ALL TIME. If your heart is making music, you have a serious medical condition. It's an organ...and I'm not talking the kind they play in church. BADUM-CHING.
(I know that was bad. But it had to be done).
12. "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper--When this was played at the end of Sex and the City 2, I shut the movie off. If this is actually being considered as inspirational and it inspires Sex and the City 3 to be made, methinks it needs to be buried underground forever. Samantha is far too old to keep up these escapades. She's going to hurt herself.
7. "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot--Does anyone even listen to Switchfoot? No. This song was in "A Walk to Remember" and it was bad then. It's still bad now. How is daring someone to move "inspirational? Isn't that the opposite? "Hey, I dare you to jump out of that boxcar and into a pile of rocks!" DANGER.
(I read a lot of The Boxcar Children as a child. Don't judge. And also, Don't Dare me to move.)
6. "Never Surrender" by Corey Hart-- No. Just no.
Whoever wrote this list is listening to the worst radio station ever. I don't know how one creates a Pandora station this terrible and, frankly, I don't want to know.
Obviously, "That's What Friends Are For" is my favorite addition. That song really takes it home. Is that a synthesizer? A trumpet? Do I care? No. It makes me want to do a ribbon dance around Dionne Warwick, Luther Vandross, and the Whitney Houston, while wearing Stevie Wonder's sunglasses (he would let me. Because that's what friends are for).
*Edit--> Kevin was actually not a member of N*SYNC, but rather the Backstreet Boys. Either way, both groups are still wretched...but I stand corrected :)
Life Lessons (that everyone neglected to tell me)
As I was walking to the train this afternoon (out of work an hour early, thank you very much), I started thinking about my skills. At every interview I've gone to, I've been asked "What are your strong suits? Your weaknesses?" And every time I give the same answer, "I have advanced writing skills, strong public speaking abilities...and my only weakness is that I may be too personable..."--and then I give a smile and everyone has a good chuckle because I'm such a ham.
Moral of the story: My answers are lame.
Of course I'm a great writer. I majored in English. If I was not a phenomenal writer by this point, well, we'd have something to worry about. Public speaking? Obviously. I've done 35 musicals. For heaven's sakes, I could do cartwheels* in a cat costume while singing the entire score of "The Music Man" without batting an eyelash.
(*Note--I can't do a cartwheel. I end up just rolling around on the ground in a somersault-seizure movement. It's a really bad scene.)
And as for my weakness answer? Forget it. One day a potential employer is going to hear that answer and either a.) look at me with sheer horror or b.) physically assault me. Either way, I will not be getting the job.
This got me thinking. I realized that there are quite a few things I have done in my life that no one ever told me would be completely useless. Here are my top 3:
1.) Flute lessons--The chances of me ever becoming a flutist were slim to none. On the upside, it taught me to read music. On the downside, the very thought of having to play quickly enough to keep up with the rest of the band scared to the point where I now actually fear rhythm...
2.) Irish Dancing--*sigh* Eleven years. ELEVEN YEARS I danced. And what did it get me? Nothing. Not only did it hinder my success in other forms of dance until I was 21 years old (and that's still debatable), but it has rendered me completely useless at making my arms appear graceful...which is especially unfortunate since my wingspan is longer than my actual height. Yes, that's right, I am a human albatross. How embarrassing.
LOOK AT MY ARMS. Palms flexed, elbows locked--If I got a good flapping motion going, there is a solid chance I could actually take flight. Thanks a lot, Irish stepdance.
3.) Drinking Diet Coke-- For as long as I can remember, we've always had diet pop in our house.This has led me to develop a severe addiction to Diet Coke, so severe that I actually have a friend who asked me, for the sake of our friendship, not to give it up.
Why, you may ask? Because I turn into the daughter of Satan. God forbid I get a job somewhere that does not have a pop machine or fountain pop establishment within a 3 mile radius because I will actually lose all control over my life.
All of my hobbies (and yes, with the way I consume Diet Coke it can be labeled a "hobby) have done nothing for me except give me crazy arms and a caffeine twitch. They also have absolutely no connection to marketing/public relations in the slightest.
But hey...who's to say there's not an employer out there who wouldn't love to have a potential employee play "Hot Cross Buns" (in the wrong key), bust out a jig, and chug a $1 Diet Coke from McDonalds in an interview.
Everyone's got their talents.
Moral of the story: My answers are lame.
Of course I'm a great writer. I majored in English. If I was not a phenomenal writer by this point, well, we'd have something to worry about. Public speaking? Obviously. I've done 35 musicals. For heaven's sakes, I could do cartwheels* in a cat costume while singing the entire score of "The Music Man" without batting an eyelash.
(*Note--I can't do a cartwheel. I end up just rolling around on the ground in a somersault-seizure movement. It's a really bad scene.)
And as for my weakness answer? Forget it. One day a potential employer is going to hear that answer and either a.) look at me with sheer horror or b.) physically assault me. Either way, I will not be getting the job.
This got me thinking. I realized that there are quite a few things I have done in my life that no one ever told me would be completely useless. Here are my top 3:
1.) Flute lessons--The chances of me ever becoming a flutist were slim to none. On the upside, it taught me to read music. On the downside, the very thought of having to play quickly enough to keep up with the rest of the band scared to the point where I now actually fear rhythm...
2.) Irish Dancing--*sigh* Eleven years. ELEVEN YEARS I danced. And what did it get me? Nothing. Not only did it hinder my success in other forms of dance until I was 21 years old (and that's still debatable), but it has rendered me completely useless at making my arms appear graceful...which is especially unfortunate since my wingspan is longer than my actual height. Yes, that's right, I am a human albatross. How embarrassing.
LOOK AT MY ARMS. Palms flexed, elbows locked--If I got a good flapping motion going, there is a solid chance I could actually take flight. Thanks a lot, Irish stepdance.3.) Drinking Diet Coke-- For as long as I can remember, we've always had diet pop in our house.This has led me to develop a severe addiction to Diet Coke, so severe that I actually have a friend who asked me, for the sake of our friendship, not to give it up.
Why, you may ask? Because I turn into the daughter of Satan. God forbid I get a job somewhere that does not have a pop machine or fountain pop establishment within a 3 mile radius because I will actually lose all control over my life.
All of my hobbies (and yes, with the way I consume Diet Coke it can be labeled a "hobby) have done nothing for me except give me crazy arms and a caffeine twitch. They also have absolutely no connection to marketing/public relations in the slightest.
But hey...who's to say there's not an employer out there who wouldn't love to have a potential employee play "Hot Cross Buns" (in the wrong key), bust out a jig, and chug a $1 Diet Coke from McDonalds in an interview.
Everyone's got their talents.
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